Sexual facts

Sex and healthy relationships might seem intrinsic to each other, but that’s not always the case. Every person is unique, which means that every couple is, too. Consequently, every couple views sex in the context of their relationship differently.

In the end, each partner’s beliefs, physical (and emotional) needs, and the partnership itself determines how important sex is in the relationship.

Couples can share a healthy, meaningful, and happy relationship without sex — whether they have it frequently or at all. But while sex isn’t required for a relationship to be healthy, sexual compatibility is. If one partner believes sex is fundamental in a relationship, but the other doesn’t, or both have different libidos, hurt feelings, resentment, and other issues can arise.

There are many ways couples can be intimate with each other without having sex, such as kissing, giving each other massages, cuddling, and holding hands. Although these actions are enough for some couples, they might not be for others.

These situations are challenging, but they’re not unmanageable. Communication can go a long way to help couples work through these problems and find a solution.

These feelings are complicated and sometimes difficult to express, even for couples that have been together for a long time. Like sex, sharing how you feel can create a sense of vulnerability. That’s why it’s also important that each partner listens to one another. Listening ensures that everyone feels heard, understood, and valued — feelings integral to sex and intimacy.

You and your partner might be able to finish each other’s sentences, but you can’t read each others’ minds. If sexual incompatibility is causing a rift in your relationship, expressing your concerns with your partner is a must.

If you notice a change in your desire for sex, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Here are a few tips to address the subject with your partner:

● “I feel like my sex drive is changing, and I want to talk about it.”

● “If you think things have changed in the bedroom, I don’t want you to think it’s your fault. Here’s what’s on my mind.”

● “I haven’t felt like having sex recently. Maybe we could do XYZ in bed.”

● “I noticed that you haven’t been as interested in having sex. Do you want to talk about it?”

● “I feel that we don’t have sex as much, and I’d like to change that. What are your feelings about that?”

If you find yourself struggling to communicate this with your partner, you might think about signing up for couples counseling or perhaps a sex therapist. A trained mediator can help you discuss your concerns and develop solutions as the two of you work toward your goal.

Sometimes, there’s no real reason to explain why the spark goes out in a couples’ sex life goes out. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be re-lit! In this case, you and your partner could consider mixing things up, whether’s it’s a new sex position, toy, or even a relaxing, romantic weekend adventure.

Sources

● Ferguson, Sian. “Is Sex Important in a Relationship?” Healthline, Healthline Media, 28 Oct. 2019, www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/is-sex-important-in-a-relationship#how-to-get-realigned.

● “Sex and Healthy Relationships.” Loveisrespect.org, 8 Aug. 2017, www.loveisresp